Demi Lovato and Wilmer Valderrama were once one of Hollywood’s most intriguing and talked-about couples. Their relationship, which began in 2010 and lasted on and off until 2016, drew both admiration and scrutiny, particularly due to the 12-year age gap between them.
Valderrama, known for playing Fez on That 70s Show, met Lovato when she was just 17, and he was 29. While they didn’t officially begin dating until she turned 18, the significant age difference—and the dynamics that came with it—has been the subject of conversation for years.
Now, nearly a decade after their breakup, Lovato is reflecting on that time with new perspective. Her recent comments about older men and the “gross” nature of relationships with significant age disparities have reignited questions about whether their age gap was a contributing factor to the relationship’s end.
A Complicated Love Story
In her 2017 documentary Simply Complicated, Lovato described Valderrama as her “rock” and “everything,” highlighting the emotional depth of their connection. “I think it was love at first sight,” she said.
“We connected on a level that I’ve never connected with anybody before.” Their relationship spanned several transformative years in Lovato’s life, during which she battled substance abuse, went through rehab, and navigated the pressures of fame—all with Valderrama at her side.
The two appeared deeply supportive of each other during their time together. Fans admired their bond and the way Valderrama stood by Lovato through her personal challenges.
But by 2016, they had called it quits, issuing a joint statement saying the decision was mutual and based on the realization that they were “better as best friends.”
Yet, while the breakup was framed as amicable, recent interviews suggest there may have been deeper, more complicated reasons behind the split—particularly the issue of maturity, independence, and the power dynamics that can come with an age-gap relationship.
Demi’s Reflections on Age and Power
In September 2023, Lovato opened up in an interview on The Howard Stern Show about how her views on dating older men have evolved.
Without naming Valderrama directly, she alluded to their relationship while speaking candidly about what she now sees as “gross” about such dynamics.
“I had a phase of dating older men and dating older guys because of my daddy issues, obviously,” Lovato said.
“Now I’m at a place where I’m in an amazing relationship… I can say with confidence that my daddy issues aren’t anything that are inside of me anymore.”
She added: “I look back on the past and think, ‘That’s gross.’ For me, I was a teenager, and so, to me, that’s gross. If you are 50 and 60, you’re fine.
Even 30 and 40, that’s not gross at all. But I think that when you’re in those development years, you should absolutely not be with somebody that is older than you by that much. It’s just unhealthy and toxic.”
Lovato’s comments reflect a broader shift in how society views age-gap relationships, especially those involving teenagers and significantly older adults.
Her words suggest a recognition that, while the relationship may have felt right at the time, it was shaped by uneven emotional and psychological maturity.
Looking Back With Hindsight
While Lovato never directly said that the age difference was the reason for their breakup, her current perspective hints that it may have played a much larger role than was publicly acknowledged at the time.
In 2016, the official narrative was that their breakup was a result of growing apart and realizing that they were on different paths. But looking back with hindsight, Lovato seems to be reevaluating the nature of that relationship through the lens of personal growth.
Her comments indicate a belief that the large age gap created a dynamic that, though not immediately apparent, may have hindered her development and autonomy.
She’s not alone in this reflection. More and more women in Hollywood are reassessing their early relationships, especially those with significant age differences, recognizing how power imbalances shaped their choices and emotional well-being. Lovato’s evolution mirrors this cultural shift.
Wilmer Valderrama’s Silence and Controversial Past
Valderrama has remained relatively silent about Lovato’s comments and the reevaluation of their relationship. However, past interviews have resurfaced that paint a more controversial picture of his behavior during the height of his fame.
In a 2006 appearance on The Howard Stern Show, Valderrama made inappropriate comments about his sexual exploits, allegedly boasting about intimate details involving celebrities like Mandy Moore and Jennifer Love Hewitt.
He also made tasteless jokes about date-rape drugs, which in today’s cultural climate, read as deeply problematic. These interviews, coupled with his silence on serious matters—such as That 70s Show co-star Danny Masterson’s rape conviction—have only further cast doubt on the kind of influence he may have had on a much younger Lovato at the time.
A Healthier Chapter
Lovato is now in a different place—both emotionally and romantically. She has said she’s in a relationship with someone close to her own age and emphasizes that her past issues with emotional dependence and seeking validation from older partners are behind her.
“I’m with a partner that is my age, essentially,” she told Stern. “It feels different, more balanced, and healthier.”
This newfound clarity is significant. It not only reflects her own personal growth but underscores a greater awareness of the kind of romantic partnerships that foster mutual respect and emotional safety.
While Demi Lovato and Wilmer Valderrama never explicitly stated that their age difference was the reason for their split, her recent reflections point to it being a key factor—whether directly or indirectly.
The emotional maturity gap, the dependency that may have formed, and the realization that such dynamics can be “unhealthy and toxic” all suggest that the relationship, while meaningful, may not have been built to last.
Lovato’s honesty, in hindsight, offers an important reminder of how power dynamics can shape relationships and how personal growth can lead to deeper insights into past choices.
In the end, their split appears to have been not just about timing, but about the need for both individuals—especially Lovato—to grow independently and find clarity about what love and respect truly look like.
